Holy Spirit, Cocoon, River

Dad, Me, David, & Vickie in front of Cinderella's Castle in Dec 2010
It was decorated for the holidays!

This blog post will be a bit different from most of my others, so bear with me.

I want to start this post out with a devotional from a book that my Mom bought for me (and one for herself) a couple years back. The book is 365 Daily Devotions for Women by Jewell Johnson.

I spent my drive to work one morning wondering why I don't hear much about the Holy Spirit outside of church. Of course, we pray to the one Triune God and praise Jesus for his mercies...but who talks about the Holy Spirit outside of the confines of the sanctuary? Funny enough, I've been reading a devotional book at night and this is what I read that exact evening...

"Day 59
Hannah Whitall Smith: Author 1832-1911
It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you. John 16:7 KJV

When Hannah Whitall Smith's five-year-old daughter died from a bronchial infection in 1857, Hannah was inconsolable. She wept and questioned God. No amount of talking or comforting by family and friends relieved her grief.
That summer the family spent their vacation at a beach, and Hannah took only one book with her to read during the holiday-the Bible. While the water lapped on the sand and gulls called overhead, Hannah read on and on, day after day, looking for the elusive, needed comfort.
Then it happened: One day as she read, the healing, comforting peace of God touched her entire being. She rose from the beach chair and shouted, "I believe, oh, Lord, I believe!" Later, she shared the experience in her book, The God of All Comfort.
Perhaps you, too, have been touched by tragedy until your heart feels like one gaping wound. You question whether the struggle of living is worth the effort. Jesus made a special provision for your grief; He sent his Holy Spirit, the Comforter. Allow the third person of the Trinity to clean the sorrow from your heart and gently push together your wounded spirit until only God's peace remains."

Imagine how excited I was to read that on the same night that I had been pondering the Holy Spirit. Someone was trying to tell me something, perhaps.

I am also currently reading, The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion. I have found it an interesting book but enjoyed the first portion of the book more than the later portion. I have not yet finished reading it, but will see it through to the end.

One excerpt that I would like to tease out and put in this post is as follows:
Didion quotes from the National Academy of Sciences' Institute of Medicine...
"Subjectively, survivors may feel like they are wrapped in a cocoon or blanket; to others, they may look as though they are holding up well. Because the reality of death has not yet penetrated awareness, survivors can appear to be quite accepting of the loss."

I appreciate Didion throwing in some scientific viewpoints of grief, as it makes me feel like less of an outlier and more like a regular human.

I have spent the last 5 months "...wrapped in a cocoon...because the reality of death has not yet penetrated awareness..." with no strong desire to step outside of this warmth and safety. I know that the day will come when the cocoon spits me out, but for now, I continue to try and keep my eyes closed and push forward. I just don't know any other way to survive right now.

This does not mean that I do not appreciate the outside world and what it has given me the last 25+ years of my life. I am so appreciative for the family, friends, and coworkers that have supported me through thick and thin, better or worse. You are the reason why I am who I am today. With your support I have found the next stage of my life...a new job and a new city.

I was offered a position at The River School in Washington, DC on Monday of this past week and gladly accepted the offer on Tuesday afternoon. I am more than excited to start a new chapter in a new place. I have enjoyed being close to home in NC and have had a great boss all year, but need a new place to start again. The River School is exactly what I have been hoping for and so you can imagine my excitement when they called me last week. I will start in August and hope to dive right in! It is a school that has classrooms of students who are both hearing and deaf. I have wanted to work with deaf students for many years now and this is my big chance!!

As of yet, I have not found a roommate or a place to live, but it is still just a few days since I accepted the position. As many of you know, my boyfriend, Zak, is living in SW DC, so it will be quite nice to be close to him as well. The past year has been difficult being so far away from him. I urge you to peruse The River School's website and their mission statement. I have several friends that currently work there and have really enjoyed their past year or two years there. They say it is challenging, but they love what they do. I cannot wait to join The River School team!

I asked my cat, Yoshimi, the other day if she wanted to move to DC and she responded with what I believe to be a resounding 'YES!' Here she is enjoying the sunshine soon after I found her stranded and homeless in October 2010:
I am looking forward to 2011 and all that it has to offer. I will plan more vacations and enjoy the little things more often. Thank you for all your prayers and support. They really help me get through the day.